


Invisible

by long_dark_teatime



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bugs & Insects, Crying Boys, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Pre-Slash, and a hint of mutual pining, desperate hugging, so if those make u icky tread carefully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 18:09:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13840209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/long_dark_teatime/pseuds/long_dark_teatime
Summary: Hey soooo you made it through this, yay! If you wanna rate your experience of emotional trauma feel free to do so, but might i ask that you go give it some loveover herebc my beautiful beautiful friend pulled this out of her brain cells and deserves all the credit. i am only a humble helper in spreading this through translation and this here beautiful website ( she's still resisting the pull of the archive,smh.. maybe one day..*wistfully stares into the middle distance*)btw since i love suffering theres nowartfor this :)





	Invisible

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Invisible](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/360810) by Kenora. 



Todd stared at his hands.  
Then at Dirk, who was pacing rather unnervingly up and down their shared cell.  
Then back at his hands.  
And back at Dirk, just to make absolutely sure he wasn’t hallucinating and Dirk was actually there with him.  
He still couldn’t believe it. Two months he had spent trying to find Dirk and Amanda, until Dirk just popped out of the trunk of a mysterious car that had just happened to fall out of a tree a few yards from where Todd and Farah were standing.

And now here he was, sitting on a thin, grubby mattress in a jail cell, forced to stay put and do nothing. If it wasn’t for all the crazy shit they'd been through over the last months, he wouldn’t have been able to believe any of this. And even still he had trouble wrapping his mind (or rather what was left of it) around this situation.

„I’m not sure wether it’s a good thing or a very bad thing they’re leaving us in here for so long..“ Dirk mused, breaking the silence that’d been stretching between them.

Todd’s eyes flicked up to Dirk as he moved past him again. He was glad to see him, even though he did make him rather nervous right then. 

They should not be in here. How would they ever find Amanda like this? Shit they really, really needed to get out of this, and fast.

„I think..we really should, we gotta, ... need to get out. Of this... we have to...“ Todd muttered, staring at his hands without anybody taking any notice of him.

Farah was already talking about the boy again.

 

Something about his hands was different. Todd drew his eyebrows together, his forehead crinkling up as he slowly opened his fists and turned the palms of his hands upwards.  
Was there.. something moving under his skin? As he watched closely, the skin seemed to lift a bit and as soon as he saw it, he felt it. It was as if there was something crawling under his skin. His first instinct was to hit whatever it was and smash it, so that was exactly what he did.  
It didn’t help. The thing kept moving, crawling into his veins, starting to eat them from the inside out. He couldn’t hold back the cry that was wrought from his throat. He kept smacking his own arm, panicking as it got even worse. Where before there’d been one creepy bump there were now three of them, moving through his body. He screamed.

 

A loud smacking noise prompted Dirk to turn around.  
He had been standing by the bars of the cell, talking to Farah.  
As he turned around and spotted the look of pure horror on Todd’s face, he froze. His heart skipped a beat, and not of the kind it would occasionally (ok, constantly) do when meeting Todd’s gaze. He could’t see what was causing his best friend this much distress, what was conjuring the look of fear and desperation as he stared upon his own hands.

Todd and him had gone through a lot of less than ideal situations, their lives had been on the line several times, but never had he seen Todd look like this. 

He whacked his hand again and then let out a wail that was so saturated with agony that it shook Dirk to his core.  
He could feel the same fear welling up inside him that Todd seemed to experience.  
He was kneeling before his friend before he even registered his decision to move. 

„Todd, what’s happening?!“

He didn’t quite manage to ban the panic from his voice, but Todd didn’t seem to hear him at all, he just kept on screaming and hitting himself harder as the seconds passed.

It was just like...Amanda.  
Of course!

Todd had just mentioned it a few hours ago when they were moved to the cell. He had gotten Pararibulitis after all, Dirk had just forgotten that it was actually real now, so used to Todd being just fine.

And now here was his best friend, screaming in pain and out of his mind right there before him.  
And he couldn’t get him his meds.  
And he didn’t know at all what to do.

„Hold him still!“ Farah’s voice snapped him out of his state.  
That was... good, yes, a start.  
He grabbed Todd’s hands, but quickly had to realize that that was still a long way from actually keeping him still. Todd was doing everything he could to get out of Dirk’s grip. Whatever it was he thought was happening to him, what was happening to him, it had to be terrifying.  
Dirk pulled him off the bed and onto the floor with him so he could get better leverage.

„They’re under my skin!“ Todd yelled at his face, almost twisting out of his hold.  
Dirk kept clinging to him, sure his grip must be bruising him but Todd would only hurt himself more than this if he let go. 

„Todd! It’s not real!“

Now Dirk was yelling too, trying to be heard over the vocalizations of terror still bursting from his best friend.  
And apparently successfully, as Todd actually moved his gaze from his own hands up to meet Dirk’s eyes.  
He tried to steady him with his gaze, but the horror he found in Todd’s large blue eyes almost numbed him.

Todd’s cries turned to hoarse sobbing as he suddenly slumped forward. Dirk almost toppled over backwards, not expecting the heavy weight of the other man leaning against his chest, but he managed to steady them both and held Todd tight.  
So they sat on the cold floor but Dirk couldn’t have given less of a damn as he cradled him closer in his arms. Todd’s entire body was stiff from pain and he had his teeth clenched, labored breaths hitting Dirk’s shirt.  
„It hurts so much“ The whisper was almost too low to be heard, Todd’s voice so small, almost...broken.  
Now that he had given up mutilating himself, Dirk slowly let go of Todd’s wrists and put his arm around his shoulders. The other hand automatically moved up to stroke the hair off Todd’s sweaty forehead. He could feel Todd’s fingers twisting into his sleeves, almost tearing through the fabric trying to keep his hands still.

 

The pain was still there. It felt like his entire arm was filled with fire ants that were running through his veins, eating through his flesh, his fingers numb from fisting themselves in Dirk’s shirt so tightly. But he felt something else, too.  
His ear was pressed to Dirk’s chest, he could feel the odd texture of the fabric of Dirk’s overall against his cheek. He could hear the beating of Dirk’s heart, the pace accelerated yet still somehow calming, comforting to him.

This was real.

Dirk was real.

His warmth. His heartbeat. His hand that was stroking through Todds hair.

He felt Dirk gingerly putting his own head on top of Todd’s. The hand from his hair smoothed down the side of his face.

„Forgot to shave, huh?“ Dirk murmured close to his ear.  
Todd could tell that he was trying to sound lighthearted, but he could also hear the underlying worry and the accelerated heartbeat drumming right underneath where his ear lay pressed against his chest.  
Todd closed his eyes as Dirk gently ran his fingers over the stubble on his jaw.

„I was kinda busy trying to track you down, idiot“ he retorted, aiming for the same sort of soft whisper, sure that Dirk would be able to hear.

The painful throbbing had subsided. He unclenched his fingers a little but kept holding on to Dirk’s arm. He didn’t want to stop being this close, although he would’ve preferred indulging in this embrace without all that pain in his limbs.

„I knew you’d come looking for me. They kept telling me you wouldn’t, you weren’t... but I knew it was just a lie to get me to cooperate.“  
Dirk suddenly broke off, as if contemplating whether to continue speaking but did so anyways, albeit this time so quietly that Todd almost didn’t catch what he whispered next.

„I thought... you might be dead“

As soon as the words slipped past his lips, Dirk tightened his grip around Todd as if he was afraid he would vanish on the spot leaving him alone again.

Todd felt something wet hit his scalp.

He jerked his head back to look at Dirk. 

The detectives face that he was so used to see parted by a huge, childishly excited grin, was screwed up tight, eyes closed and lips pressed into a thin line, a wet trail stretching from the corners of his eyes all the way to his chin.

„No, no no no, Dirk! I’m here! I’m okay...“ Todd rasped out, his Throat growing tighter.

Now it was him hugging Dirk to his chest, winding his arms around his neck and pulling him tight. They stayed like that for a long while.

When they eventually moved away to stand up, Dirk squeezed Todd’s hand in his. His eyes were still shimmering with tears and sought out Todd’s. His gaze held so much relief that Todd almost started crying again.  
His eyes slid down to Dirks lips, and for one moment he actually considered…

He looked back towards Farah, then back at Dirk and as their eyes met, he gave him that look again that made Todd almost certain they’d been both thinking about the same thing…

**Author's Note:**

> Hey soooo you made it through this, yay! If you wanna rate your experience of emotional trauma feel free to do so, but might i ask that you go give it some love [over here](https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/5a98790a0005d58a3175fad0/1/Invisible-DGHDA-) bc my beautiful beautiful friend pulled this out of her brain cells and deserves all the credit. i am only a humble helper in spreading this through translation and this here beautiful website ( she's still resisting the pull of the archive,smh.. maybe one day..*wistfully stares into the middle distance*)  
> btw since i love suffering theres now [art](https://fanficfanart.tumblr.com/post/171427545381/the-pain-was-still-therebut-he-felt-something) for this :)


End file.
